Sunday, February 1, 2009

Are You Excited?

First, if you're looking for the post about dead animals and church, keep scrolling. It's right after this one.

Our exciting news of the week is that Trey has a new job! He starts tomorrow, and after ten weeks without work he is ready to go. Thanks to all of you who have prayed wihtout ceasing for this blessing.

But the most exciting part of him accepting this job is that it wasn't all that exciting. I mean, we're grateful, happy, relieved, and a million other things, but we've learned much in ten weeks.

I suppose the first thing we've learned (or maybe just been reminded of) is not to worry. When Trey lost his job, I was so scared. What if we have to sell our house and live in a small, more affordable apartment? What if we have to move to a city where we don't know anyone? What if I have to leave my school and my friends for some unknown job? What if we have to declare bankruptcy?

As the days and weeks ticked by slowly, with us less and less in control of our world, the what ifs breathed down my neck. I began to worry in the morning before I was even really awake. I found myself dangerously close to tears pretty much all the time. These things - house, reputation, money - began to consume me. A few short months ago I would call all of these blessings from God and now they were my curse.

But somehow, in the never-quiet evenings with my boys or the beautifully quiet evenings after they were sound asleep, God whispered.

"If you're able to sleep at night because all your bills are paid, then you'll never rest."

"If you think your children's laughter has anything to do with the square footage of your house, you're naive."

"If your reputation is based on the haves and have-nots of your life, then you have the wrong people defining your reputation."

All my life, I have known full well that the things of this world are temporary. But in my comfort I began to see them as part of who I am - part of who my family is. In the face of being without, I figured out how very "with" I am.

In John 14:27, Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

In the last few months I wrapped my arms around a very real peace that I haven't felt in a very long time. And God took the fear.

So on Thursday night when Trey officially accepted the job offer, we just looked at each other. We said we were excited, but we weren't the "just won the lottery" excited I expected us to be. We were relieved and grateful to not be moving, sure, but we expected this job. I wasn't reliant on it for peace.

Now tomorrow he starts a whole new professional adventure with new things to learn and new expereinces to experience. Keep praying for him because a new job is always a little scary.

And yes, I am excited. But I am more excited about the everlasting gifts of Christ. Hallelujah! (the Jason Castro version, of course)

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