Note: This is my final posting of our vacation in Cancun. If you're interested in the whole story, start with the post titled las vacaciones día uno .
This is not just the title to my favorite Fall Out Boy song on my workout playlist (and ugh, I have to go back to the gym tomorrow after a two week hiatus, that should be fun).
It's also the final installment of our vacation saga. The break was over, and we were taken over on the airplane by a giant rude man. Here is what I would've said to him had my momma not raised me to be so darn polite ;)
Dear Giant Rude Man,
First, please let me preface this by stating that I can see the complications that may arise from being six and a half feet tall. You see, my children are short, and while that's not the same thing as being six and a half feet tall, it does allow me to see that the world is made for average-sized people. Just today my three year old was discriminated against at IKEA because he's small for his age - he couldn't go into the playroom even though some of the kids in there were practically babies! So I am totally against size discrimination.
However, when you sat next to me on the airplane, you chose to take up more room than your largeness dictated. Might I suggest that if you need more room on an airplane in the future, you choose to sit on the side with your children instead of having your wife sit there. You see, your children are smaller and perhaps you could use their extra room instead of taking my not extra room. Further, I believe they would be less freaked out if you touched them with your giant triceps for the entire flight. Call me a prude, but rubbing triceps with a stranger for two and a half hours left me feeling a little, well, dirty.
My next suggestion for you is regarding the peanuts you were eating on the flight. You see, I, too, had a peanut incident on a flight. I was eating peanut butter and I even offered it to a child! Fortunately that didn't end in tragedy, but you just never know. When the flight attendant saw you sucking down those peanuts, and he told you that the kid in the seat in front of us was deathly allergic to peanuts, he meant, "Put the peanuts away you idiot!" At that point, when you continued to shuffle handfuls of peanuts into your mouth (and getting most of them in - good job), I was, quite frankly, appalled. Then I thought that perhaps you had a condition that prevented you from understanding implied meanings by flight attendants, so I thought I'd fill you in on this just in case. You're welcome.
Finally, and I may be the first to point this out to you, you are not special. When de-boarding a plane, airline customers traditionally leave row by row beginning at the front of the plane. This means that because we were sitting on row 35, we would be the thirty-fifth row of people to leave the plane - see how that works? When you stand up, have your children stand up, and begin to push yourself ahead of the other passengers, you are being incredibly rude. In fact, I believe you are setting a negative example for your children by pushing them in front of everyone else and practically knocking people down to get to customs first. You showed them that being rude and pushy is acceptable because other people don't matter, and I'm sure that's not the message you want to send to your children.
I would like to point out that despite your barbarian efforts to bully past the other passengers (my favorite husband and I included) we beat you. That's right, Giant Rude Man, we won. We were breezing down to the baggage claim while you were still two rows back in customs. I waved (or maybe I shouted "See ya, loser!" but what's the difference?), but I'm not entirely sure you saw me with all those people between us. You see, good things come to those who wait nicely.
Yours truly,
Seat 35E
That's it, my bloggish friends. Our adventure in Mexico was brought to a close. We had a brilliant time, and we were oh so happy to see our wild, rotten kids again! I love my husband more every day, month, year, and having his undivided attention for four whole days was just fun.
A good time was had by all.
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