Define "inappropriate"

There are three things Tucker has done recently that I need to blog about. I jotted down some notes about them on the back of a receipt, and I think I may have thrown that receipt away today. So I think I'll just start writing and see if I can remember them all.

Tucker is a smart, smart kid, and he really, truly believes he can do anything. For example, yesterday he said, "Mom, I think I'll compete in the Olympics some day. Don't you think that would be cool?"  I mentioned that he may want to start considering which event he will be competing in, and he started listing the pros and cons of each. Keep in mind that this is certainly not a person who thinks getting to and competing in the Olympics is easy, it's simply a person who believes that if he decides to do something, then of course he will do it very well. We may all be voting for him some day.

This preface is appropriate because Tucker has been in rare form lately. Maybe I've just noticed more because it's summer and we've been spending so much time together, but he is a funny kid.

Tucker moment #1 that I remember from the back of my receipt (this is the order in which I remember things rather than the order they actually happened): We've been pricing full size beds for Tucker's room. He has a bunk bed, and it doesn't have a lot of support - no box springs or anything. I've debated whether or not I think a used mattress is creepy, and I've researched how to disinfect mattresses. We've also been to just about every store in College Station that sells them. Trey's mom saw an ad in the paper for a moving sale that included a full sized bed, so she texted Trey a picture of the ad. He read it. I read it. Tucker read it. Here's the conversation that followed:

Tucker: We can't get that bed.
Me: Well, Tucker, if it's nice, then it could be okay. I've been reading about how to disinfect a mattress, and it might be nicer than what we would get new.
Tucker: No, we don't qualify.
Trey: Yes, I think they'll sell it to anyone who wants to buy it.
Tucker: No. It clearly says it's a "moving sale." We're not moving.

Trey and I looked at each other, and we laughed and laughed. I think after we finally explained it, Tucker laughed, too. I'm glad he can laugh at himself.

Tucker story #2: The boys had been total and complete hellions one day this week, and it occurred to me that I could sell them on ebay or perhaps just leave them on the side of road with a sign that said "free kids" or something like that. They are easily as cute as puppies, and people do that with puppies, right?

On this particular day, I was cleaning out the garage and they boys pretty much had free reign. As long as they weren't killing each other, I would have left them completely alone. I did start talking to them around noon about how I wanted their stuff picked up before three because someone was coming over to talk to me about replacing the floors in our house. They both looked at me with that, "Sure, lady, we're going to clean while you're not even in the house. Yeah, right," look, but I was certain, certain that they would do this one thing for me.

I reminded them every ten minutes or so. I yelled. I begged. I lectured. I knew this would happen. I just knew it.

But I was dumb.

Because at exactly three o'clock, I walked into the house to check on the time and found Tucker, building a fort out of every blanket and pillow we own, in my bedroom. His stuff was strewn from one end of the house to the other. I lost it.

Me: TUCKER HICKMAN!  I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING - ONE THING - AND YOU ARE MAKING AN EVEN BIGGER MESS!  I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THAT GARAGE THAT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER HAVE TRASHED, AND ALL I ASKED IS THAT YOU PICK UP YOUR CRAP IN THE HOUSE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MAD AT YOU I AM RIGHT NOW?  DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I ASKED YOU FOURTEEN TIMES TO CLEAN UP AND YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?

There was a long pause, and Tucker looked a little perplexed. Finally, he spoke.

"Wait. You counted?"

Tucker story #3: After that little episode, the boys were grounded from tv and computer and video games for the rest of the day, so they were forced to go out and ride bikes and play. Surprise, surprise, they were both in a much better mood. Tucker can't stand to be in trouble with anyone, ever, so he was working very hard to be friendly and nice to me. Trey was out mowing, and I was eating dinner at the kitchen table by myself while Tucker made his own dinner (probably a jelly sandwich - have I mentioned what a fantastic mom I am?). Here's how that conversation went:

Tucker: Mom, you might think this is inappropriate, but I'm going to tell you anyway because it's funny.
Me: Well, if you think it's okay to tell me, then let's hear it.
Tucker: Okay, it's a joke. A little boy was taking a shower with his mom, and he looked up and his mom said "Don't look up, you'll see my flashlights."

(pause for a minute here...do any of you remember this joke from when you were a kid?  I do, and it is a dirty, dirty joke. It is at this point that I realize my nine year old son is telling me a dirty joke. And he knows it's a dirty joke because he already told me I would find it inappropriate. I'm trying so hard not to laugh, and I'm beginning to sweat a little because I know where this is going.)

He continues: Later, the boy is taking a shower with his dad, and his dad says, "Don't look down. You'll see my snake."

(Tucker is laughing so hard that it's difficult to understand him. It's clear he finds this joke hilarious, even if inappropriate.)

He continues: Later, they are in the car, and the son says, "Mom, turn on your flashlights!  There's a snake in the car!"

And then he almost falls down he's laughing so hard. I'm laughing, too, mostly because he's laughing. He doesn't usually get jokes, so the fact that he finds this one so stinking hilarious is very, very funny to me.

Also, I remember a MUCH dirtier version of the joke, and I'm a little relieved that this is the best he could come up with.

Being the awesome mom that I am, I mention that while I thought his joke was quite funny, I did think it was probably a little inappropriate and shouldn't be told at school. He told me he knew that it wasn't school appropriate, and not to worry because they were not at school when his friend told it to him.

Should I be comforted by that?

It seems the way Tucker makes it back into my good graces is by telling me a dirty joke.

Should I be comforted by that?

(I would like to point out here that  I just started writing and I remembered all three things!)