This post has been rattling around in my head for a minute, so it's time to give it a go.
This afternoon my baby boy graduated from high school. Holy. Moly.
When your kid starts kindergarten, you don't assume that during the weeks leading up to his high school graduation you'll be praying that he passes all of his classes. But for some of us out here, that's where we found ourselves 13 years later. And our kids are awesome.
So this post is in honor of my baby boy - a kid for whom the academic grind never came easy but who got it done anyway. He's one of the smartest people I know, and I'm continually amazed at how quickly he learns how to do something and then makes it happen like it was nothing.
This week I was reminded of the time Keaton won a cooler at the fishing tournament in our neighborhood. After he brought it home he outfitted it with wheels and holders for fishing rods so he and his buddies could roll it down to the pond and take it fishing whenever they wanted. I think he was about ten, and that was only one of many times he built/constructed/dreamt up something and then just did it.
When he competed in gymnastics he always seemed happiest when his teammates did well.
He knows all of our neighbors by name and talks to them regularly. (Trey and I can't claim that skill.)
He visits his grandparents because he just wants to spend time with them. Even the ones who live two hours away.
He is kind and fun and the most hard working person I know.
And because I apparently can't have a post without making it about school, here's that part:
He took his last day of school picture his junior year with the parking lot attendant, and his favorite people in the whole school were the attendance office and counseling office staff where he worked as a student aide.
During his senior year of high school he finished 8 certifications through ASE (Automotive Service Excellence).
And now something for the school people:
If you were of the very, very few of Keaton's teachers who thought to yourself "this kid is irresponsible," then I hope you can reflect and know how wrong you were. He has worked since he was barely 15 and has skills for life that many adults don't have. He has a servant's heart and would do just about anything for you whether he knows you or not. School not being a kid's favorite thing in the world is not a character flaw.
And if you're one of the many, many teachers who sat next him and told him he could do it when he just didn't seem to care, or if you're an elementary teacher who let him wiggle and reminded him he could do anything he set his mind to, or if you're someone who took late work and only penalized with a lecture because you knew he learned what he needed to in your class and it was all about the learning anyway...if you're one of these teachers then the Hickmans and this mom thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You are the best of the best.
So here's to Keats and all the other kids who looked in the mirror this graduation week and finally let it sink in that they made it. And then they took a deep, joyful breath because where they go from here is all up to them.
I'm not naïve enough to think he's perfect, but if you ask me he's pretty darn close.
We love you, kid! And we are so very proud of the exceptional human you are!
I keep thinking that I need to write and that I should post a year in review. You know, for posterity and such. Here goes:
In 2022, I finished my doctorate (#humblebrag). I'm Dr. Storm. It still makes me giggle because it's kind of ridiculous.
Trey started a new job. He kind of single-handedly ran an incredibly successful wire department where he had loyal, happy employees and sent millions of dollars spinning around the world every day (#wifebrag). The bank sold, and there was some uncertainty for a time. But by May he had started at a new bank in the area - kind of a "start up" I guess. I can't think of anyone else more qualified and able to help build an organization from the ground up.
Tucker moved out, and we all survived. I mean, he lives 18 minutes away with traffic, but this could be traumatic for a Mother (he mostly calls me "mother"). He's a great kid/young adult human who takes care of his business (#mombrag). He hasn't starved yet, which is one thing I was legitimately worried about because I'm not there to remind him to eat. He LOVES his work with A&M football and has a great boss who inspires him, appreciates him, and holds him to a high standard. He also has grown out what I'm told is an "epic" mullet. College kids, right?
Keaton started his senior year of high school. This could be traumatic for a Momma (he mostly calls me Momma). He takes about three classes where he mostly does what they need him to do and where I'm pretty sure he charms the teachers into letting him work on his timetable. He's also taking an automotive class at the end of the day, so he spends the last part of his school day every day working on cars. He loves it so much. I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity for him. Also, he still works at the cafe (since he turned 15!), and now he's server. He didn't work for about a week during Christmas, and the last two days of work have been so great for him. He's come home both days talking about how much he loves meeting people and chatting them up and such. 2022 also got him got a big, loud truck. High school kids, right?
Trey's sweet mom took a fall early in the summer, and she spent about four months in the hospital and skilled nursing. It was tough on everyone, but no one more than her. We are especially thankful this year to have her home. It's worth noting that her husband of over 60 years spent all but two nights sleeping on a couch or pullout bed in the hospital to be with her. We all tried to pitch in, but Trey and his sister were devoted to helping their parents on the daily. My husband comes from good people. He's lucky he found me because I come from good people, too (#daughterbrag). We sure do love Mimi and are so very grateful for her, especially this year.
In May, I started the Very Best Job on Earth. I'm serious - my title is "Director with the Very Best Job on Earth." I have the wonderful pleasure of leading the elementary principals in my district and co-leading the Curriculum and Instruction Department. The educators I work with are dedicated to helping prepare kids for any opportunity that comes their way, and I get paid to learn from them and look for ways to support them. I get paid for that! Even when it's hard, it's a dream.
And now we look toward 2023. I need a learning project - I've often considered trying to learn Spanish, but lately I wonder if I should take piano lessons. Fun fact - I have weirdly crooked pinkie fingers and don't use them when I type so I'm a little concerned that could impede my ability to learn piano. I should write more - I like writing. Maybe 2023 will bring a little of that. It will certainly bring Trey and me a life with two grown children! We like each other a whole bunch, so we'll miss the kid-parenting but we'll likely find some other adventures.
I used to tell my high school kids that high school is wonderful and fun, but if those are the best years of your life then you're doing it wrong. That's how I feel about another year older and phases of life ending and beginning. It's really up to us. If we believe the best is behind us, then we're probably doing it wrong. Cheers to 2023!
Today I defended my dissertation. I defended my dissertation. That means I'm Dr. Hickman now. I kind of still can't believe it.
Here's what I got from my kids:
Keaton (via text): "good stuff mom"
Tucker (via phone call): "That's pretty cool, I guess. Football football recruiting coaches players football football."
They are so proud!
Insert clever transition here. I can't think of one, so pretend this says something clever that indicates a change of topic.
As an extension of today's self-indulgence, I would like to share the acknowledgements from my paper. There's literally no way to thank everyone who has had a role in my education and career, but I can at least thank a few. Here it is:
First and foremost, I would like to
express my appreciation to the study participants. With all the
responsibilities of the classroom, I recognize how benevolent it was of each of
you to spend time with me discussing your experiences as new teachers. Our
conversations were a joy and inspiration for me. Thank you for all you do for
your students and colleagues and for your contribution to this research
project.
Dr. Kathryn Washington and Dr.
Kelly Brown, thank you for your participation on my dissertation committee,
your excitement about my research, and the exceptional examples you set as
women leaders. Dr. Johnny O’Connor, thank you for serving as my dissertation
chair and for your continued encouragement and patience throughout this
process.
I cannot express enough gratitude
to the colleagues-turned-friends who laughed and cried with me from my first
year in the classroom to today. I would specifically like to thank Chrissy
Hester for hiring me all those years ago and continuing to serve as a constant
encourager and example for me. Britina Pesak, Erin Stutts, April Todd, and
Tiffany Parkerson – I had no idea when I met you the influence you would have
on my life. You have seen me through every experience these last twenty years,
and I cannot imagine life without you. Thank you for believing in me and
cheering me on when I needed it most. Thank you for being my people.
To all the of the Hickmans. Thank
you for making me part of your family from the very beginning. To Trey, Tucker, and Keaton, thank you for
going along with whatever crazy ideas I come up with. I know that my continued
pursuit of education hasn’t always been easy on you, but still you support me
every step of the way. Trey, thank you for believing that I can do anything,
sometimes having to believe enough for both of us. You are the most patient and
kind human I’ve ever known, you can always make me laugh even when life seems
like too much, and it is a gift to spend my life with you. You are my favorite.
Finally, I would like to thank my
parents, Mike and Gale Greeson (and you, too, Wendy). You have always instilled
in me the importance of education to make our lives and the lives of others
better. You raised me to believe I can do anything if I’m willing to work hard
enough. You have always shown me that love for others is the best work we can do,
and that faith is more important than all else. I always hope to make you
proud.
My life tends to function in school years. Last year was really, really tough. Virtual learning, tracking COVID cases, serious illnesses, fear. Personally, we lost family members, worried over those who had COVID, held our breath each time we coughed. Tough.
And there was loss. Death. The lives of survivors and family members changed forever.
Then the new year started (school year, that is). It felt like new school years always do - new and fresh and full of possibility. But it was different. I suppose I couldn't really put my finger on why, but it was different. I've decided it was an expectation of a normalcy that no longer exists. Maybe mourning what "was." Maybe it was all of the effects of a pandemic compounded into the school system that exists as microcosm of society as a whole. Maybe it's simply exhaustion. I don't pretend to understand what everyone else has experienced, but this is the best way I can describe it. Basically, things again are...tough. For the world as a whole. For teachers. For schools.
And now, one year since Day Eleventy Billion of the Corona Chronicles, here we are again.
Christmas and Christmas break are supposed to be fun and restful and happy and carefree. But people still have COVID and have to quarantine and reschedule and "Who says Christmas has to be December 25th, anyway?"
But what is different this time - in 2021 - is this feeling that it's going to be okay. What felt last year like fear and impending doom feels instead kind of normal. Something we do now. There are infusion therapies and vaccines and today I read there is even a medication that can be prescribed to help with COVID specifically. We're going to make it.
Many of us broken from the loss we've experienced, but making it all the same.
We are flexible. Resilient. Connected. Capable of seeing the sunlight when darkness looms. We recognize with real clarity that faith is, in fact, sometimes all we have.
The weary world rejoices.
REJOICES!
Last Christmas I worked hard to convince myself that even though traditions and schedules and life were totally different, it would still be okay. This year the differences make me thankful that we have traditions and schedules and lives to adjust.
2) I hesitate writing this because it feels a little like making light of COVID which is borderline inappropriate. Having very recently lost two close family members from it, I acknowledge that it's a terrible, terrible, illness. I also acknowledge that laughter is still important.
3) This post is not political. If you read something political into it, that because you're inserting your own politics. Don't blame me for that and call me conservative or liberal or anti- or pro- anything.
Now, a post. One of those stories I want to tell my grandkids and make sure I get right. Or at least my version of right.
If you ever have a medical emergency involving bodily fluids, I'm your girl. Profuse bleeding? I got you. Need someone to hold your hair back while you're ravaged by a stomach bug? Just holler. However, and I wrote about this previously when describing my disdain for hand sanitizer but it bears repeating in the context of this story, I can't handle snot.
I totally blame a kid who sat next to me in elementary school. (I won't share his name because he probably still lives with the shame of it.) He always had a runny nose, and he never seemed to notice. A glop just sat there below his nose all of the time. I can still see it in my head. It's a wonder I passed third grade when living with that trauma every day. All these years later, if I see a kid with runny nose, I'm grabbing a tissue and taking care of that business right then - social norms be damned.
Then about a week ago, my employer started providing free COVID testing to staff from 6-9 a.m. every morning. I immediately offered to help. See, many people in my profession are on the front lines of COVID exposure, except I find myself on the second-to-front line. I desperately want to help, but the ways I can help from my office are limited.
Until we started COVID testing. If someone is exposed, feels fine, but wants to be sure they don't transmit the virus to others, we can test them and provide some peace of mind. If someone wakes up with the sniffles and can't let go of the idea it might be the actual, literal plague, we can help. Even someone who hasn't seen their elderly mother in months but wants some reassurance they won't take something extra with them on their weekend trip - we can help them, too. I volunteered, completed the online training course to become certified, and started showing up.
A sidebar or two: I am currently working on a dissertation about what makes early career teachers want to remain in the profession, so I'm studying factors that contribute to job satisfaction. Leadership and feeling valued and such are obvious choices, but I'm particularly interested in the idea of self-actualization as it relates to the job satisfaction of teachers. I believe that the idea or feeling that you are doing what you are meant and made to do is essential, and that while not all people get to self-actualization from their jobs I'm betting most teachers do.
I'm not technically a teacher anymore (I will always be one in my heart), but the self-actualization I strive for through my career is still important, and for me that involves being helpful - making a contribution to my organization that ultimately provides more and better opportunities for generations of people to be educated.
This, of course, reminds me of the episode of Friends where Joey told Phoebe there was no such thing as a selfless good deed. He posits that doing good for others makes you feel good about yourself and, therefore, is in some way selfish. Try as she might, she can't prove him wrong.
So I volunteer in the COVID testing center in order to fulfill my need to be helpful to schools and, thus, do what I was made to do. In other words, it's highly likely my benevolence is mostly selfish.
/end philosophical sidebar
Anyway...
I feel perfectly safe working in the COVID testing center. I am masked and gloved, and the test-takers and I never touch the same items. (Big props to anyone who wears an N95 mask regularly because that thing makes my whole darn face hurt but ain't nothing getting through there.)
Administering the test goes like this: I approach a vehicle, confirm the identity of the test-taker, hand them a swab in a sealed container, have them open the swab and insert it into their nostril "about an inch - far enough for resistance but not so far as to cause pain," swirl it around at least five times, and then repeat in the other nostril. Then, the person has to thread the swab into a testing card where I have carefully placed a solution to perform the test. I hold the card, they hold the swab. Once it's inserted they have to spin it around three times to ensure the sample is tested correctly. Then I seal it all up and set a timer for fifteen minutes until the test is ready to be read.
When I first started doing tests, this is what I heard in my head:
Please take this giant q-tip and stick it up your nose. Make sure you get lots of snot and boogers on there, and then put it on the other side and get some of those boogers, too. Now stick those boogers into this card I'm holding and spin it around so that they are well-distributed. I need to watch you the whole time to make sure you're doing it correctly, so please excuse me if I a gag a little.
Strangely, after several days of testing, it doesn't seem to bother me as much. Every once in a while if there's a particularly colorful snot I accidentally make a face, but I don't gag at all. This is personal growth, people. It's like I have developed a resistance to the grossness of snot. It only took me 44 years and pandemic.
But I'm still not using any gloopy hand sanitizer.
For about two and half months now, Keaton Hickman has been a 16 year old driver of a vehicle.
He has a cool car and has waited his whole life for it. If you know me at all you've already heard this part, so here's the summary:
Keaton worked hard and saved money to go toward a car.
Keaton's mom is super proud and bragged about it whole bunch.
Keaton's car is a new 2020 Mustang.
Immediately he began talking about all the things he was going to do it. All the ways he was going to make his cool car even cooler. These conversations came with trepidation from me and lots of "don't even think about it's" from Trey. We figured we'd made our point. Over and over again.
Two months passed. Summer. Keaton doesn't do sitting still very well, and I'm always thankful for his best friend who lives down the street because they keep each other pretty entertained. They build things. Keaton makes up random recipes and feeds whoever happens to be here (I hear the savory waffles with spicy syrup are great, but they were always gone before I got home). They toodle around with anyone's car who will let them. The mustang has been frequently washed and waxed.
Fast forward to yesterday, the second-to-last weekday of summer break. My phone rings.
Keaton: So, it seems I've locked myself out of the house.
Me: Huh? How did you do that?
Keaton: Well...I mean. I'm not sure. I mean, I know how I did it, but I'm still locked out. The keypad on the garage door isn't working.
Me: Why can't you use the clicker in your car?
Keaton: Well. Let's see. My car is sort of on blocks in the garage. And the garage is closed.
(This is part of the story where I remind you that Keaton REALLY needs to go back to school. And that his car is a new 2020 Mustang. Back to the story.)
Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
Keaton: Why are you freaking out? I'm just taking the exhaust apart so I can decide what I want to fab to replace some of it. I need to see it and look at it so I'm really clear on what I'm working with.
Me: I'll be right there.
I run to my car and head home to check out exactly what the hell is going on in my garage. And maybe let Keaton back in the house if I don't kill him.
At the stop light, I text my parents because clearly this is my dad's fault.
I got home, opened the garage, and stared the kid down. I didn't say anything. I just looked at him with a look that says "you are insane and I can't believe you did this and you better hope you didn't do anything that you'll be sorry for you crazy kid."
I ran inside and grabbed a glass of water and remembered that this exact craziness is a gift. The kid has been taking things apart and putting them back together since he could sit up. I have a flash of a time when he was about five and I said to Trey, "Maybe Keaton will be a surgeon. It takes a certain kind of person to look at you, see you're sick, and say 'Hey, I'll tell you what. Let me cut you open and move some things around. I bet I can figure out how to fix you up.'"
Of course he's taking his car apart and putting it back together. And that might be his superpower.
Ugh.
I walked back into the garage. He doesn't even give me a chance to speak.
Keaton: Mom. I studied this car before we bought it. I research things about it every day. I watch YouTube videos and read articles and I know what I'm doing.
I channeled my inner Mike and Gale Greeson, parents who always encouraged us to not be afraid to figure things out and believed we could do anything given the opportunity. I told him he is the most capable person I know next to his Pop, and that his ability to work on things is a gift and I don't want to squelch it. I told him I was going to trust him, but I needed him to look me in the eye and swear he would not get in over his head. He did.
He then corrected me that his car was on jacks not blocks, demonstrated how incredibly stable it was because it was tied down and done exactly right, and I went back to work.
I made him text me every half hour the rest of the afternoon to assure me everything was okay. And it was. I have no idea what he did or didn't do because his incredibly detailed description included a lot of car words that I have no idea what they mean. I hope it's legal and good for the car and such, but how would I know? The car still seems to work fine, so there's that.
When I told Trey, he didn't have a heart attack or anything. That was particularly impressive.
And so I continue to live the experience of raising a clone of my father. The Greeson temper and almost annoying stubbornness (that we like to call "determination") are a small price to pay for this innate ability to construct, create, assemble, and simply make anything.
I'm sure I'll probably have to be reminded of that again and again and again.
It's not lost on me that had he not locked himself out of the house all of this would have happened and I wouldn't have been any the wiser. I'm a little concerned about what else might be disassembled and reassembled in my absence.
This kid. He's going to do great things. In the meantime, pray for me. Seriously.
What follows is documentation of one of the coolest things I've ever done. If you love music - specifically country music - then you'll get it. If you're not a "music person," you might think I've gone off my rocker to be so excited about this. But I don't judge folks for collecting stamps or watching MMA fighting or countless other weird obsessions, so leave your judgy-pants at home.
On the day of the high school state gymnastics meet, Trey and I were killing time in our hotel until we had to leave, and I was scrolling Facebook. I saw a post - one minute after it went up - that The Next Waltz was hosting an event called the Bunker Bonanza where fans could go visit the famous bunker, hang out with Bruce Robison, eat Lockhart barbecue, and basically just be in the presence of musical greatness for an evening. I immediately noticed that it was on Keaton's sixteenth birthday and bought tickets anyway, pleading with Trey to agree with me that Keaton would love it.
Then, because I am the Queen of Overthinking, I sent an email to make sure it was okay if my sixteen year old attended. What if it was age-restricted and I just missed the fine print? Then everything would be ruined!
(Not really, but, well, really. Ruined.)
They emailed back to say it was fine for him to come, and I asked if he wanted to go on his birthday, and he acted just as excited as I wanted him to because he is nice and adventurous and loves music and his momma.
And so yesterday we attended the Bunker Bonanza.
It all started with an email that contained an address, very detailed driving directions to a remote location near Lockhart, and a request to do our best to be on time. Keaton and I drove the winding roads, not sure what to expect and feeling as if we were headed to some secret meeting, anxious about getting lost, being late, or not knowing what to do when we got there. We meandered down the gravel drive and parked on the grass next to an unassuming building.
"You think this is it?" I asked.
"One way to find out," Keaton replied as he got out of the car.
We walked into the building, through a small kitchen, and there we were. The studio. The same one I'd seen hundreds of times when streaming their videos online. It was surreal.
About The Next Waltz. It's a production company that records mostly singles with country artists. I'll never get all the details right, but it's a mechanism for artists to record and release songs without having to front lots of costs. The business side of the music industry has changed dramatically in the last couple of decades, and artists have to do things differently now to make a living. This production company (under the direction of Bruce Robison) is a way to support and encourage those artists.
I think I first discovered The Next Waltz when Turnpike Troubadours recorded Come as You Are there. As content has been added over the years, I have more than once found myself whiling away an evening sitting on the back porch enjoying the music. There's something pure and nostalgic about The Next Waltz tracks. What they do feels like preservation in some way.
I follow them on social media, and I contribute $5 a month to their Patreon. It's not much, but it's a nod to the fact that I'm grateful the organization exists. You should, too, by the way.
Anyway, back to the event.
As we entered the studio, we were greeted by Bruce himself, a tall, kindly figure welcoming folks into the room with "Hi, I'm Bruce. Have a seat anywhere. We have plenty of chairs." And so we found some empty seats and began to take it all in.
Once everyone was settled - about 25 of us - he began to explain the concept behind the studio, his path to building it, and the various equipment used in the production process. We saw an old Wurlitzer, a large cabinet housing a piece of tin that creates reverb, a sound board and a tape recorder. In this studio, they record everything in analog on tape. Their aged equipment creates a sentimental sound that feels new and old at the same time. Keaton and I both commented later about Bruce's explanation that they can do everything there that a digital studio can do except autotune. That says a lot about the quality of the music they put out.
The group of us followed Bruce around the small space as he explained the equipment and instruments. When we entered the room with the sound board, he asked for a volunteer and commented that there was supposed to be a young kid in the group who was about 16 and maybe he wanted to be the volunteer.
The kid was Keaton, and he sure enough wanted to volunteer!
In that moment, Keaton sat down at the sound board and, under the direction of Bruce Robison, played with the mix on Charley Crockett's I Can Help. It. Was. Amazing.
Once we finished the tour (and Keaton's work on the board), we all took our seats back in the studio and listened as Bruce and his band of musicians played a few songs. The space was vacant but for the sound of the music and the light from the neon logo sign. Travelin' Soldier. Angry All the Time.
He played Guy Clark's Desperado's Waiting for a Train, and I saw the man sitting in front of me shed a few small tears while his wife gently patted his shoulder. I knew immediately that the song meant something very important to him, and I was happy that he got to experience it in this almost sacred place.
As they played Keaton and I sat silently. Every once in a while we exchanged wide-eyed looks that said, "I can't believe how awesome this is," and "This music is incredible." I had a distinctive thought: When he is old and I am dead, he will tell his grandkids about this.
After Bruce, Tony Kamel performed a few songs. He recently finished recording an entire solo album in the Bunker, the first complete album recorded there. We didn't know of him before this event, but we were immediate fans. The album comes out in September which feels so far away! He has several Texas tour dates coming up, so if you're looking for live music you should totally check him out. Hearing him tell the story behind the songs he wrote and then performing them for us felt kind of reverent. And he plays the banjo like a beast.
(Keaton declared him to be GOAT'd, which I think means really good, and also proclaimed that this guy should be and will be incredibly famous and how do we not already know about him.)
After a little more music, we ate barbecue and visited with the other attendees. Lockhart barbecue is apparently a big deal (which I also learned from Keaton), and ours came from Chisolm Trail. It was delicious as advertised, with the sausage being my favorite.
When dinner was over, we all found our seats back in the studio and Bruce and company did a few more songs - Wrapped, My Brother and Me. Then he ended the night with the London Homesick Blues. We took one more photo and made our way back up the gravel road, processing what we had just experienced.
Here's the thing (or, the things, as this post is quite long and I apparently have lots to say):
The musicians that played throughout the night were incredibly talented, and it was a joy to see them even though we didn't know their names before we arrived last night. One man in particular played guitar, piano, accordion, and maybe even the mandolin. There was so much talent in that room!
There's usually a line between the people who make the music and the people who love the music. Sometimes those are the same people, but sometimes they're not. I'm not a music-maker (although I think I can sing just about anything and my current rendition of Tyler Childers's Feathered Indians is, I'm sure, fantastic).
I am a music-lover. It feeds my soul. Live music, especially. And after a year and a half without live music, experiencing it in the way we did last night was downright holy.
I got the feeling that some of the guests last night were musicians who had bought their tickets just like we did. While I'm certain they enjoyed themselves, they probably didn't have the same experience we had. This is the part that makes me seem a little crazy - that I really loved the whole thing that much. But we, the music-lovers, got to sit behind the curtain with the music-makers. We got to feel it. And it was an experience of a lifetime.
