In case you were wondering, it costs $250 for someone to remove a rattlesnake from your couch in the middle of the night.
What had happened was...
I was flossing my teeth. Trey took Hank out before bed. They came back in the front door, Hank be-bopped in like normal, and I heard Trey shout.
I went into the living room, called his name to see what was going on, and realized he was in the pantry but the front door was open. I went to the door and saw the tail end of a snake slither under our couch.
Nope.
Naturally I jumped up onto the counter to save myself. Duh. Then later I tried to say nice things to the snake to convince him that he was an outdoor reptile. He did not listen.
But Trey, he was the bravest man I've ever known. He poked all around the couch with a broom handle. Then decided it had crawled up underneath somehow.
Sidenote: we have a giant sectional sofa. I love it. It didn't fit in our apartment, so I was SO HAPPY to move to our current home where there is room for it. But it's GIANT and the pieces attach to each other and it is very hard to move.
Trey started flipping the couch over, one piece at a time.
"Stormy. You have to help me. You're the only one here," he says.
And I am a brave country girl, so I put on my shoes and stood far, far away with a stick and periodically shouted for the snake to leave our home. Still it did not listen. The couch was disassembled. No snake to be found.
Of course then I googled "how to get a snake out of your house."
FYI - This is not helpful if you don't actually know where the snake is.
Next idea - cut out the bottom lining of the couch to see if we can find it. Trey, like a ninja or a great knight, slashed at the couch lining with a knife and pulled it free, hoping to find the snake.
Being sure to do my part, I stood on the counter giving him encouragement and periodically screaming in case I saw the snake. I didn't see it, but I needed to be prepared. With the screaming.
Still no snake.
So for my next helpful act, I googled "people who can get a snake out of your house."
And let me just say, Praise the Good Lord for Jesse's Critter Control. They answered the phone and said someone would be here at 11:45. And we positioned ourselves carefully around the room so that if the snake left the couch in any direction we would see it. And we talked about what it looked like and how it was probably a rat snake. And we laughed maniacally because who has a snake in their couch on a Wednesday night?
Just before 11:45, a super nice kid arrived with a snake catcher stick and a bucket. It took him about 90 seconds to find it in the cushion of the third section of couch. It took him a bit to get a hold of the thing, but he finally grabbed it and put it in his bucket as we cheered. We were saved!
Snake Catcher Kid put the bucket down and suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, turning his ear toward the bucket. Of course we did the same, and together we all heard the rattle.
RATTLE!
IT WAS A RATTLESNAKE! AND IT WAS IN OUR COUCH!!!!!
Have I praised the Lord for Jessie's Critter Control already?
Things to note: When Trey was talking to his dad tonight, he was saying that Jackie (our niece) and I are the people he wants in a crisis. Tonight he may have changed his mind. Please note I am currently unavailable for any crises that involve venomous reptiles.
Also, Hank apparently stepped right over the snake when he came in the house. Trey almost stepped on it, and that's when I heard him yell. Apparently young rattlers are the most poisonous, so I suppose this night could have gone quite differently.
Also also, this is how Hank felt as we tried to convince the snake to leave. Safe to say he cared not.
We keep saying we're having empty nester adventures these days. Couch Rattlesnake was not part of that plan. And that might be the best $250 spent in my entire life.
And now it's one in the morning, and we'll try to sleep and dream only of outdoor snakes. Oof.
The End.
