Turns out I am elderly. Ancient. Old as the hills. I'm 47. And a half. Or maybe two-thirds. Either way.
Granny-ish.
I've reached the point in my long life where the bravest thing I can do is wear a cozy sweater to work. It's all lovely and pleasant because it's winter, but then BAM! the heat comes on and I'm legitimately afraid I might die. Picture me with my esteemed colleagues around a conference table suddenly red-faced and breathing hard, wondering if this is really the end. Wondering who else notices my distress. Pretending everything is fine when, in fact, my very insides are melting.
I wore a sweater to Christmas Eve church, and the air conditioning was not sufficient for the crowd. I was thankful to sweet baby Jesus that I wasn't wearing socks so I could take off my shoes to place my bare feet on the cold floor to keep from passing out. Did other people notice? My brain was too molten to care.
Screw bravery. I'll keep wearing layers.
Another thing that apparently happens when you become elderly is that you need to eat protein. PROTEIN! Every middle-aged woman's TikTok is screaming at them to eat more of it. Then more. Then MORE! It's never enough. Start your day with 30 grams of protein. Your bones or your brain or something else I can't remember really need it!
I don't know if you've ever tracked protein, but the idea of starting my day with 37 eggs and a side of pork is just not something I can get into.
In addition, I am not a big meat eater. At any meal, the sides are my favorite. A meal of sides is like the best. At Thanksgiving I could eat only dressing and sweet potatoes and be happy until next year. I could totally do without meat.
As a sidebar, my sister and her family are the opposite. They are meat people. Their "dinner is ready" means that they've grilled/smoked/roasted some steaks, sausage, brisket, ribs, and maybe some pork butt for dessert. We recently meal planned several times with my brother-in-law and sister, and I what I wouldn't give for a baked potato or some cornbread when I'm with those people. Her bones or brain or whatever are probably top-notch.
(Sidebar #2: The last two paragraphs have "that's what she said" playing in my head. I'm not proud of it, but you were probably thinking it, too, so let's just call it out. Moving on.)
Anyway.
I've been on the lookout for ways to add protein to my diet. I found this recipe on TikTok for a pizza bowl that is super high in protein and looks delicious! I decided to give it a try while I'm home to see if it's something I can take for lunch at work. There was only one problem.
Cottage cheese. It's basically the reason that the recipe is so high in protein. It also looks like toddler vomit.
To further complicate matters, I have a self-diagnosed lactose intolerance...kind of....sometimes. Looking at yogurt makes me physically ill. Ice cream and milk have less dire consequences, but dire enough that I avoid them. Cheese, however, doesn't bother me at all. Now, scientifically this may not actually be possible, but seeing as I'm technically a doctor I'm probably right.
So, on a scale of yogurt to cheddar, where does cottage cheese fall? I mean, it has "cheese" in the name but looks disturbingly like chunky yogurt.
However, since I started this post I have changed my mind and decided to be brave again, so I'm giving it go.
I first decided to whip the cottage cheese to make the consistency more pleasant. I have seen this on TikTok so it must be true, easy, and a fantastic idea. I tried it in the Magic Bullet, but it just moved around the container in all its chunky glory. Undeterred, I got out the blender and tried every single setting on there. Chunks. So I gave up on the aesthetics of my new dish and pressed on.
I layered cottage cheese, pizza sauce (I didn't have any so I seasoned some canned tomato sauce), pepperoni, shredded mozzarella, and leftover breakfast sausage. Baked for 16ish minutes at 375.
And let me tell you. I am winning.
It's delicious! And think of the possibilities! Olives. Onions. Vegetables. I have found a new go-to lunch.
My next experiment is going to be breakfast quesadillas. I eat breakfast in my car every day when I am exactly 16 miles from where I turn onto Highway 290 (don't ask why - this is perfectly normal), so I need something portable that stays warm and has PROTEIN.
Because I am elderly.
If you have any other recipes that I need to try, send them my way!
The end.
No comments:
Post a Comment