I Ran.

Yesterday news broke about a black man who was killed by two white men who thought he was guilty of a string of burglaries. He was out for a jog.

When quarantine started, I started running again. It seemed like the best time to start because we didn't have anything else to do. I remembered that running is good for me - for my health and for my mind.

Back in 2016 I ran a marathon. I ran A LOT over that year or two, and while I'm happy I ran the marathon (hello, bucket list!), I think I got burned out on running. I realized as soon as we were locked down that I needed to see the sun and move every day, so I started walking. That made me think I might as well run, so I started a Couch to 5K program and starting running. And I remembered that I like it.

I like it even better when I'm just running. Slow. No goals to meet. No pace. I decided I would not run more than every other day because I don't want to hurt and be sore and stop running. So I walk, and the next day I run.

Never have I been afraid that someone will think I'm a bad guy and chase me down or hurt me while I run. Never have I worried that someone will think I don't belong here and call the cops on me. In fact, during quarantine I've been the world's friendliest runner - waving and smiling at everyone to get some kind of social interaction. Calling all kinds of attention to myself even though I'm not a svelte, runner-looking runner.

Today I can't stop thinking about this man. I've so appreciated how my runner friends of various skin colors have shared that they think often about how they'll be perceived when they are out on a run. How someone might think they don't belong in the neighborhood they're running in. How they feel they have to be extra aware. My friends who see their own children in Ahmaud Arbery. I'm glad they speak up.

I am newly disturbed. I know this exists in the world, but suddenly here we are again. A black man was running and some people cornered and killed him. In America in 2020. It's incomprehensible. I feel helpless to change it.

I don't know what to do about it. I have no giant solution. I told my boys (again) how important it is to me that I am raising men who know that others cannot be judged by their color or religion or orientation or anything else. That people are people and deserve our respect. They tell me they know. That they really do know. For the future of our nation and our world I pray they do.

Today I added an additional life lesson. Never, under any circumstances, is it acceptable to chase an unarmed person down, corner them, and kill them because you think they might be guilty of something. Never. Nothing makes that okay.

So today I ran. And I thought of all the people I know who run, and I prayed they feel safe while they do so. Because it's all of our responsibility to make sure they do.

TCC, Day 47: The end?

Today Texas opened back up. Basically that means that restaurants can have customers dining in, but can't go over 25% capacity. Does that mean quarantine is over?

We tried to go to The Dixie Chicken. It's spring, and sitting on the porch at El Pollo del Norte would make me extraordinarily happy. It seems everyone else had the same thought because the line outside was long. Perhaps we will try again later this weekend.

My next favorite porch is at Torchy's. They aren't open to dining-in yet, so we pulled over in the parking lot and ordered online, then took our tacos to go.

Eating dinner with my husband in my kitchen with Flatland Calvary on the radio is never a bad thing, even after 47 days of social distancing. It's crazy to me that we haven't eaten in a restaurant in 47 days.

Today I was stressed about work and making up things to worry about my kids and stir crazy and generally crazy. Trey came home, we drove around town looking for porches to sit on, and I word-vomited all of my crazy on him. And then I was better.

Today's pro tip: Marry someone who makes you feel better about yourself and also just generally makes you better. Trey is really the very best person I know, and sometimes I can't believe I get to be married to him. Find you someone like that or don't waste your time.

I'm not sure what The End looks like. This may be it. Or maybe it's months or years in the future. Will we even know when it comes?

I don't know.

The end.

Really.

Maybe.