My 49th Year

 I will turn 49 in a couple of weeks. In case you were wondering, that's almost 50. Geez.

I've been thinking of my upcoming birthday a lot more than I usually do. Mostly because I remember I'm going to be 49 and my brain makes this face:

Additionally, spring can be a stressful time in the school business, so I sat down tonight thinking I should write a little for a creative outlet. But I'm tired and can't think of a clever thing to say. So I googled writing prompts, and the first one was "What would you say to your 18 year old self?" This made me think of two things: 

1) What I would say to my 18 year old self (for obvious reasons).

2) Things that I might should be ashamed of as a practically 49 year old human person but am absolutely not ashamed of.

Regarding topic #1 I would say this:

Girl. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Be comfortable in your own skin. Also, maybe crazy hair days are to remind you that you're not actually in control of most things and that sometimes a little chaos can be fun. Which reminds me... have fun. And you'll always feel good about yourself if you're honest and good to people. Oh - and you're a terrible liar, so go ahead and decide to use that as your superpower. And you'll never believe what is going to happen in your life. It's epic!  

Regarding topic #2 - things I should probably be ashamed of but am not:

I am influenced by TikTok and I like it. Case in point:

• I make TikTok recipes all the time. 
• I'm sold on eating an excessive amount of protein. 
• I bought this glider exercise thing because I can work out while I'm watching TV (and we all know how super work-outy I am!). 
• I am led to believe that Mercury in retrograde really does affect my mood. 
• BookTok is a blessing and a curse because I find lots of books I might like and I also will aggressively judge any creator who says that Yellowface is one of their favorite books. 
• I will gladly scroll past videos that are more than one minute because that is just too much for my attention span in leisure time. 

I will absolutely default to my pajamas. Let's say I get home from work around six and know I'm not leaving the house. I can change into shorts and t-shirt for a few hours and then change into my pajamas after that, or I can just go straight for the PJs. At my age, I should probably have some expensive athleisure to wear around the house. But why go to all the trouble? It's PJs for me.

I tried something new with my makeup (that I learned on TikTok, of course). I had to watch the video again every day for a long time to make sure I was doing it right, so I found myself getting ready for work by following a TikTok. This should be embarrassing because I am practically 49 years old and should know how to do my makeup. But if you've seen me lately and thought "Wow! Her jawline is snatched!" then now you know why. 

Also, I just used the word "snatched" and I really hope I used it correctly in my almost-old-age and didn't just say something offensive. 

I love puzzles. I do all of the NYTimes puzzles every day and usually have a real-life jigsaw puzzle that I'm working on. My goal is to get the Mini Crossword in less than 30 seconds. It's very grandma-ish, but I care not. 

I brag to my friends about sleeping all night long. When it happens, it's a flex. 

I find myself completely unable to see without my readers. Completely. As a result, I often shamelessly saying "I can't see that at all" in random situations, such as the checkout line or when someone shows me something on their phone. I knew I'd probably have this happen to me someday, but NOW seems a little too soon. 

I'm sure there are many more things I shouldn't admit to at my age, but this will do for now. 

49 sounds old.

The end.